So many things to chase…to write about. There is too much to process, sometimes. I was trying to ease back in to real life and real time, only to get an influx of too much news at once. And that was just in listening to 20 minutes of NPR radio this morning. I found myself becoming angry at the things I was hearing. But did I stop? Nope. I went on to catch up on the NPR Politics Podcast, which actually exists to keep me from participating in the consumption of the 24-hour news cycle by summarizing and quickly analyzing recent events. Except I listened to three of them and was surprised when I started to feel gloomy and desperate.
I watched a series of videos last night. Michelle Obama was standing behind her portrait with Jimmy Fallon as people said thank you to her, and they were overcome when she came out and gave them hugs. Stephen Colbert was giving a monologue making cathartic jokes about crazy things that are way too real these days. Hank Green was talking about the anniversary of 10 years on YouTube – all the channels and causes he has started (*cough*VidCon) or been a part of. I laughed at pictures of George W. Bush struggling with his poncho at the inauguration and ultimately smirking at himself, which was just great. I haven’t been able to watch Obama’s farewell address all the way through (too soon it’s not over it can’t be over), nor have I watched Trump’s inauguration speech. I will definitely watch the former. Mere clips of Trump’s speech have been enough to make my blood feel a little warmer (as in not-blood-boiling-but-not-not-on-its-way).
Recently, I have been surrounding myself with more means of grace. I finally purchased a devotional book for myself to go through each day, because my aspirations to Just Read the Bible and Pray weren’t super effective, and I honestly was feeling empty and dry. Since we have been back in St. Louis, I’ve started doing this almost each day, trying to write my prayers in a loose formula suggested by the author. I’ve found myself able to be honest, so much more honest, not praying in a way that covers all the bases without actually digging in to my heart. This has been changing things already, and I think I knew it would, but it is difficult for me to grab hold of myself and sit me down to do what I need to do.
When we were in Nebraska, a friend of mine told me some about a book she had just read that was impactful and helpful and good, highly recommended. The next day, I got a text from a new friend at our church – the wife of one of the pastors of our church wanted to start a group to read that same book. So I’m sitting here with it, just in the first chapter but looking forward to the process. The quote at the beginning of the first chapter is what I’m talking about: “The kind of life that makes one feel empty and shallow and superficial, that makes one dread to read and dread to think, can’t be good for one, can it? It can’t be the kind of life one was meant to live.” – Willa Cather
I think I’m going to start tutoring with a nonprofit that runs through our church. We have been getting together with friends, and I’ve been pursuing time with individual ladies that I have been wanting to get to know but have been held back by some combination of fear and the thought that it’s not my job to pursue all the relationships I have all the time anymore. But maybe I’m just leaving the place where that feels too exhausting. Things are really lookin’ up…positivity, baby. It’s the time for courage – in my life, and pretty much as a person in this nation that is embarrassed to be a person under this administration.
This is a short just get-it-out-there post, because practice is the name of the game. And the blog, evidently. My 30 minutes to work on this is up, and it’s time for dinner!
This is George Bush and his poncho.
and this is Hank, who is great.